paper flower

i am so IRRITATED at the housing thing. they keep telling me to arrive alone and i keep telling them that i confirm won't arrive alone and nothing ever gets done. now, if they devote their resources to finding me an apartment instead of trying to convince me to get a smaller single one, it might actually get done pfft. sure i know there aren't many, but there could surely be ONE. and one is all i need, since most exchange students would stay in single apartments. all these people just want to make things easier for themselves nyah.

• Tumblr is so awesome i might just be a convert soon.
• I never knew the smell of your hair could be a turn on. Thus the shampoo/conditioner that you use is very important.
• I got myself a new toy. A very expensive new toy. I just named him Ray. Macam paham. But my dad is sponsoring. (or so he claims. He hasn't transferred the money yet.)
• Problem if my dad's sponsoring: He gets very possessive. "Kau jgn bawak gi KL. Nanti hilang." What's the point of buying then Dad?
• I realise i spend more than I earn each month. Question is, on what?! (Above toy not counted)
• I need to start saving for the next 6 months or I will suffer if I get a cross over next year.
• Farewell everyone. I haven't even left and I already can't wait for this trip to end. My brother is so lucky. He has the house to himself for the next few days. Imagine all the awesome parties he could throw. And don't forget ze girlfriend. :P
• I wanna travel with friends again. I miss the fun.
• If I don't return, I love every single one of my friends.
• And that I think about you, you and you, every single day.
• Of course I think more about some people. But that's not the point.
• I wonder what will really happen if i fail to return. (insecure HAH)

Adios:(

hope

sometimes, that's all I have, and all there is to it.

[Spoken]
Baby I know your hurting
Right now you feel like you could never love again
Now all I ask is for a chance
To prove that I love you
From the first day
That I saw your smiling face
Honey, I knew that we would be together forever
Ooh when I asked you out
You said no but I found out
Darling that you'd been hurt
You felt that you'd never love again
I deserve a try honey just once
Give me a chance and I'll prove this all wrong
You walked in you were so quick to judge
But honey he's nothing like me
Chorus
I'll never break your heart
I'lll never make you cry
I'd rather die than live without you
I'll give you all of me
Honey that's no lie (2x)
As time goes by you
Will get to know me
A little more better
Girl that's the way love goes
And I know you're afraid
To let you're feelings show
And I understand
But girl it's time to let go
I deserve a try honey
Just once
Give me a chance and I'll prove this all wrong
You walked in you were so quick to judge
But honey he's nothing like me
Darling why can't you see
Chorus (2x)
Bridge
No way, no how
I'll make you cry (2x)
Chorus

we groomed and played and ate candy canes on eid al adha and i think this will happen again one day, when you have too many pretty kids and you cant decide which one of them deserves the most affection.

Failure is my middle name.........









Aku tetap begini
Takkan berubah kerna aku tetap aku
Dan lalu rindumu bukanlah aku

its just that you are so attractive and i want to know when you go to bed, whether you prefer fresh milk or brewed coffee in the morning, what you would do if you smear your ink on the paper(would you blame the pen or would you continue with your words and declare yourself an esteemed writer?) and whose name would you write in your head by the way? and all these thoughts come without reason, perfectly suited for insomnia, i lie exhausted on my bed and i think i want to conquer our codes and our nervous tension, (but time is leaving soon and i shouldnt stay so late), i want to go through that entire experience again but there are too many people and if i alone could drive myself half out of my mind then being completely immersed in my own isolated world shall be my difficult nature. but i want you with me, not because you have been randomly chosen. i just want us to remain twisted and tangled like the telephone cord at night, and then eating scrambled eggs off our plates in the morning, (im one of those who cant even decide if it should be night or morning), i want to kiss you many times and debate if your mouth should naturally belong to you, and be with every part of you even if your body feels like the electric barbed wire, even if you wear no perfume (what could be more generous than this?)--but how much consent is needed for that? sorry that i am just slothfully writing and waiting for dawn, anyway what shall i do tomorrow while you get lost in the crowd? see i dont want to be pinched to my senses but if for some reason by 6 in the morning i am still not asleep then i must forget all about being broody and listen to the morning news.

siti nur baizura.

if you're reading this.
friends are suppose to last till the end of time
friends are suppose to be there no matter up or down
friends are suppose to not give up on each other
friends are suppose to be here for one another even if it means saying "i'm too busy to make time for you now."
friends are suppose to forgive.
friends are suppose to share.

where are you?
i miss you so much
please come back?
please please please.
everytime i think about you. I just want you back

and i'm saying this cos I know theres a whole other platoonmates, long time friends
who wonder where you went.


selamat hari raya haji to everyone
may tmrw and days to come be blessed just like the days before and today.

parents,
the quick, simple goodbye
we'll see you when you are back.

lunch
hashariah
azariah
tongues rolled up in hebrew
and bits of german in between.

dinner
it felt so good
salad feta cheese
chicken stew thingamaji
strawberry delicious desert
masala chai
and of talks
that string people together
amidst intensity of exams
and never ending,
unspoken fears.

and i said before
i will say it again


i wish you all the best
for your step closer to the 2 things you want.





brace myself, it's going to hurt so damn bad.

Dear God,

Please let me fall in love again.

Imagine a piercer discouraging you from piercing any more because he thinks you have had enough holes in your body. Or the fact that you're increasing the count in a short span of time that it becomes almost disturbing. He probably thinks I am suffering from some kind of illness. Note: Depression. Perhaps I am but it was just a moment of impulse. I live on spontaneity. But it was a good thing he did cause another piercing would just scare everyone away. Dhash is already terrified of my current look. Quoted from a friend: "Any more metal on you, and you will have to declare to the Customs." Haha!

"The dark room always come with their different shapes of darkness: lintels and blades of shadow where we stumble in the small hours and cannot find the glass, the switch, the door knob, whatever it is we are reaching for and think we need. Sitting perhaps in that room in Cologne and beyond the generous window and the sense of expensive confinement is a street lamp and the cemetery wall, a view to old graves and I think I need to try and make you laugh-nicely hard and always worth it- and I think I need to do that and I think I need to see the black flame of your hair-suggesting the black flame in your head, and I think I need to see the way your beard grows when you leave it-as if I would like you to seem ridiculous-and I think I need to feel the way your stomach flinches under touch-that nice shyness-and I think i need to see you smile and I need the way you smell when you haven't washed and I need to see you smile. I need to see you smile.

But I'm wrong, of course I don't need it. What I have must be enough. No one survives without having enough. I have the light from the smoke alarm in the ceiling, the pinprick of red tickling on and off, and I have this tiredness and this fear that all there is left will be waiting by myself while dying comes closer, travels. You said you were afraid all of the time. Now that's how I am too, but I can't tell you."

( Stir up your inner knowledge - Plato )

FINISHED! (((((((((:

Found something which sums up what i feel in the previous entry.

via http://loveyourchaos.tumblr.com/

yes i do have a small tiny heart.
and because of that, i get upset very easily, merajuk they call it in Malay.
but i won't say anything about it.
because i made a promise to myself not to complain anymore.
yes i do have a small tiny heart
add highly sensitive and fragility to it too.

one of the most iconic song of the century i dare say.

oooh so sexy

this semester has floated by so quickly
everything ends at three pm tomorrow.

and everyday
we cook up new plans new tactics new ideas
to weave conversations
in worlds that don't exist.

but you and i
it's time to reel everything back in
and make sure we stay afloat.